这篇博客拖了好长时间了，之前其实已经写了很长一部分，但是由于网站的原因导致之前写的所有内容都没能保存下来。挺沮丧的，这也间接的导致了我又拖了几天才能重新抽出时间撰写博客。看来后续还是先在本地撰写博客之后再发布到网站上吧。这段时间发生了很多事，也让我的想法转变了很多，我希望能通过这篇博客将这些都记录下来。
我终于重新调整回了正常的生活作息，这对我之前的状态而言真的很难得，同时也通过这段时间的小磨练重新找回了撰写文章的感觉，因此我会在这篇文章将之前很多想写想说的东西，重新全部记录下来。
前段时间我给自己放了一个小长假，其实原来并没有这么长的休息打算的，只不过由于各种“特殊”的原因，导致我这一休息就休息了快大半个月，不过还好这不仅没有影响到我后续的计划还得到了充足的时间让我重新找到了了自己后续打算做的具体事情。
在这小长假休息前，我终于将电脑重装了系统（因为换了CPU），不过也遇到了挺多奇奇怪怪的问题，不过好在并没有丢失任何的数据，同时还找到了一块即将损坏的硬盘，不敢想要是我继续用下去，将会丢失多少东西。同时我也完成了之前几乎压着时间线制作出来的新模型（LPD的新礼服），我很高兴这个作品能够令大家满意，其实最开始我接到这个任务时我的压力其实还是蛮大的，因为我太长时间没有进行服装的模型制作了，各方面都有些生疏，不过最终呈现的作品还是不错的，不过直至撰写这篇博客时新的礼服还没有解禁，因为开发团队希望这个作品能给大家带来惊喜因此我也暂时不在这给大家过多的描述这个作品的内容，等新礼服的样式解禁后如果时间允许我会单独开一篇新博客告诉一下各位这个作品的制作心得。
这段时间的小长假我没有制作任何的东西，也没有继续接触之前一直有互动的社群，其实在这之前，我也一直希望自己能有时间好好的休息一下，但是很多时候自己老是会想着有很多事情没有完成，很多想做的作品都没有做，因此一直把自己的神经绷得很紧，导致自己几乎一刻也不敢休息，虽然有时还是会找一些机会让自己放松放松，但是更多的情况是，自己完全没有办法让已经完完全全的投入到任何一件事情中，哪怕是打游戏，也时长感到非常的无趣。在此之前我一直将这些归为因为年纪大了因此理所当然的不会对这些东西再提起兴趣了，直到我耐下性子好好的回去看了一下番，再次之后除了感叹“二次元的美好”外就是能让我重新静下心的去体会游戏的乐趣。
这段时间我重新游玩了很多游戏，同时作为一个游戏行业的从业者，也在这个过程中学到了很多有价值的东西。我同时也更明确了自己为什么不喜欢PVP以及MOBA类游戏，因为我在游玩游戏时其实也是在体会与感受，而这类游戏很难让我完全投入身心的进行体会，虽然有着具体的游戏目标，但是这类游戏每当游玩结束时，随之而来的只有空虚，这种空虚感会使我感觉我之前一直在浪费时间。这个过程或许没有看一部番或者看一个电影来得痛快。
相比起这类游戏我确实更喜欢PVE或者视觉小说，或者RPG类型的游戏，因为这类游戏，每当我游玩时，我能够完全的沉积到剧情里，试图去感受，去理解作者想传达的内容，而很多时候以游戏作为载体的表达会让我感觉比动漫或者小说更能共情，当然其中也不乏有些剧情确实很一般的游戏，但是它们还是会有一些特殊的发光点，而往往都是这些发光点能给我带来一些新的有趣的点子。这也是为什么我至今为止都如此热爱游戏的原因。在我的观念中，游戏并不完全是一个消遣娱乐的工具，更多的它对于灵感的启发远比很多其他的媒介要来得更直接。
我通过这个小假期让我重新审视了自己，也让我重新总结了自己的这一年。不知不觉这一年也接近了尾声，说实话，这一年自己所做的事情，对于自己来说收获并不算特别的大，但多少其实也算有些收获。很多时候，我不希望自己将时间浪费在没有意义的事情上，但什么算是有意义的，什么算是没意义的说实话，很多时候自己也非常的朦胧，我往往在一年的开头会试图去给新的一年去做出一些计划，但是大多数的时候，这些时间都过得非常的快，甚至还没等我回首，时间就这么已经过去。这本也是我打算坚持写博客的初衷，我希望多年后的我，重新回首，至少知道之前自己都做了一些什么。
这一年，我几乎花费了所有的时间在VRC上，在这个平台，我认识了很多有趣的人，也通过这个平台，学到了很多有趣的技术，我觉得，是时候回到自己的计划当中了。我最开始我还以为这与我之前投身MOD很像，但很庆幸的是，这次不一样，由于VRC相关的制作都是围绕着Unity进行的，因此我不会因此而浪费掉这段时间所学到的技术，我甚至可以将这段时间的收获运用至后续的开发当中。当然我也发现了很多时候，这些东西更多的都是贵在坚持，我制作MOD时的心态，以及那种不屈的感觉，这次终于用到了有用的地方。不过其实也有与之前的雷同之处，尽管在这过程中学到了很多，也是非常有趣的经验，但是并没能给自己创造太多的价值，同时还让自己感觉到了，现在的学习能力大不如从前。难得可贵的是，在这过程之中认识了许多比之前更有“价值”的朋友。大家虽然身处各行各业，但是一旦碰到技术相关的问题，都愿意非常坦诚的交流，非常坦诚的脱出自己的想法。这与之前所接触的圈子完全不同，虽然我本身是仍可知识付费的，但之前所接触的圈子将"人性"体现得玲离尽致。
我不打算多谈这方面的内容，只不过我认为这对于现在的我而言，虽然不完美，但我完全能接受这一年中的付出，这多少也是值得的。
不过话说回来，我之前一直在思考是否要将这件事写进我的博客，因为这怎么说都是一件非常消极的一件事，但他对我而言非常的重要，我的叔叔，我至今为止虽然接触得少，但是也是我非常非常好的朋友，我与其有着很特殊的缘分。到今天，关于他的记忆将永远停留在我的心中。不久前我得知了他去世的消息，他也是与计算机打交道的，可是最终猝死了。他去世的消息对我的影响非常的大，这也是我这一生中到目前为止第一次感觉如此的无力，我什么也做不了，我甚至在得知这个消息后立即给他打了一个电话过去，因为我真的没法接受他去世的这个事实。当对面切切实实传来“您的电话暂时无人接听，请稍后再拨时”，我完全止不住自己留下的泪水，自己的这种无力让我陷入了沉思。我很后悔自己没能接他的最后一通电话。当时我完全没有往这方面去想，因为在我的记忆中，他的身体非常的好，而且是一个非常乐观的人。不过由于他与我家人的特殊关系，因此很多时候我多少还是会感觉我们之间老是隔着一道墙，不过说实话，更多的时候我并不会受之影响。他给我打完最后一通电话我不仅没接，最后也没回复。现在后悔也无济于事了，我真不知道自己还能做些什么。现在留给我的只有回首，回首那些曾经美好的过往，第一次知道COD有现代战争这个题材，第一次一起偷偷的喝冰可乐，一起大晚上的出去吃烧烤，当我闯下大祸时是他保的我，当我在学校被同学欺负时，是他帮我找到的尊严。这些都让我这辈子一生都难忘。他在我的生命中是一个非常非常重要的一个人。是他让我对很多东西有了新的看法与改观，我不会忘记他的存在，我不会忘记他的付出，我也不会忘记这个与我相处时间对我这辈子来说不长，但是及其重要的一个人。他是启发我认真学英文，以及让我觉得计算机一定是有价值的人。我能做的东西不多，通过这件事情，我非常坚定我一定要学好英文的信念。这是我能留给他的最后我力所能及的最后的尊重，虽然他没能如约的参加我的婚礼，但是我不怪他，因为他给我留下了非常美好的回忆，无论是经验还是教训，这些都受用我一生，愿你在另一个世界得到救赎，我敬爱的叔叔。
好了，这些伤心难受的事我就不再说太多了，回到我之后的打算，是的，经历了这么多，我确实有很多不一样的想法以及打算。继上次过去了这么长时间我也终于将自己的Artstation账号注册下来了，之前的域名占用问题也终于解决了。在这之前我还试图多次的打算干脆重新注册了一个不一样的新域名好了，还好我坚持下来了，这下也算是圆满了。我会陆陆续续的在Art上去更新自己的个人作品，将很多直接的内容都上次至上面。同时在这几天，我也偶然的发现了一个Notion.So的网站，我感觉这个网站在我所需要的功能方面还是挺强大的，主要的一点还是简约，他有着我所需要的所有功能，同时也没有夹杂着任何其他花里胡哨的东西，我觉得可以花一些时间研究一下这个网站。或许能给予我的计划一些帮助。
最近我也忍下心终于将鲁迅的全集给买下来了，确实还是挺贵的，但是我相信多少一定能得到一些收获，先生作为那个时期有名的作家，应该多少也能给予我对于后续想撰写的作品来带一定的启发。我也在前几周接下了日文社区LPD官方手册的日文翻译，这确实也能重新让我复习一下这么长时间几乎没怎么使用的日语。
EN:
I've been delaying this blog post for quite some time. I had actually written a significant portion of it before, but due to issues with the website, all my previous content was lost. This was quite disheartening and indirectly led to further delays in finding the time to rewrite the blog. In the future, I think I'll write my posts locally before publishing them online. A lot has happened during this period, leading to many changes in my thoughts, which I hope to document in this post.
I've finally adjusted back to a normal routine, which was a rare achievement considering my previous state. This period of minor challenges also helped me rediscover my passion for writing, so I plan to record everything I wanted to write and discuss previously in this article.
Recently, I took a mini-vacation for myself, which turned out to be longer than initially planned due to various “special” reasons. This extended break, fortunately, did not hinder my subsequent plans and provided ample time to refocus on my future endeavors.
Before the vacation, I finally reinstalled my computer's operating system (due to a CPU change), encountering several odd issues. Fortunately, I didn't lose any data and even discovered a failing hard drive, which could have led to significant data loss if I had continued using it. Additionally, I completed a new model (LPD's new dress) under a tight deadline. I'm delighted that this project was well-received. Initially, the task was quite daunting as it had been a long time since I last worked on clothing models, and I was a bit rusty. However, the final product turned out well. As of writing this blog, the new dress is still under wraps, as the development team wants it to be a surprise. I won't describe it in detail here but might dedicate a separate post to it once it's unveiled, sharing my production insights.
During my break, I didn't work on any projects or interact with the communities I usually engage with. I had always wanted to take some time off, but often felt overwhelmed by unfinished tasks and uncreated works, keeping myself constantly on edge. Even when I did relax, I couldn't fully immerse myself in any activity, including gaming, which often felt dull. I used to attribute this lack of interest to getting older, but after watching some anime again, I realized that I could still find joy in games if I allowed myself to relax.
During this period, I replayed many games, and as someone in the gaming industry, I learned a lot in the process. I also understood why I don't enjoy PVP and MOBA games - they don't allow me to fully immerse and engage, leaving me feeling empty after playing, as if I wasted my time. This feeling is starkly different from the satisfaction of watching a good show or movie.
I prefer PVE, visual novels, or RPGs, where I can delve into the story and try to understand what the creators are trying to convey. These games often offer a deeper sense of empathy and understanding than anime or novels. Even if some games have mediocre plots, they often have unique elements that inspire new and interesting ideas. This is why I remain passionate about gaming. To me, games are more than a pastime; they are a direct source of inspiration.
This break helped me reassess myself and summarize my year. As the year nears its end, I realize that although I haven't achieved as much as I hoped, there have been some gains. I often plan out my year, but time passes so quickly that before I know it, the year is gone. This is one reason I persist with blogging - to look back in the future and remember what I've done.
This year, I spent most of my time on VRC, meeting interesting people and learning new techniques. It's time to return to my original plans. My experience with VRC, revolving around Unity, didn't go to waste and can be applied to future development. The tenacity I had while creating MODs finally found a useful outlet. Despite the rewarding experiences, they haven't created much value for me and also made me realize that my learning ability isn't what it used to be. However, I've made valuable friendships, different from my previous circles, where people are open and honest about technical issues and ideas. This contrasts sharply with the knowledge-for-fee circles I was part of before.
I won't delve too much into this, but I feel that the efforts I've made this year, though not perfect, were worthwhile.
However, there's something else I contemplated including in this blog, a very negative yet significant event. My uncle, who I wasn't very close with but regarded as a good friend, passed away recently. He also worked in computing and died suddenly. His death had a profound impact on me, leaving me feeling helpless. I even called him immediately after hearing the news, unable to accept the reality. His absence from the other end of the line brought me to tears. I regret not answering his last call. I never thought his health would fail, as he was always optimistic. Despite the complicated relationship with my family, it didn't affect me much. Now, all I can do is remember the good times we had - playing COD, secretly drinking Coke, having late-night barbecues, and him covering for me when I got into trouble. He was a significant influence in my life, changing my perspectives and inspiring me to learn English and value computers. The best way I can honor his memory is by improving my English, a small but meaningful tribute to him. He couldn't attend my wedding, but he left me with valuable lessons and memories. I'll never forget him.
That's enough about the sad parts. Moving on to my future plans, I've finally registered my Artstation account, resolving the previous domain name issues. I plan to gradually update my personal works there. I also discovered Notion.So, a website with a simple design and all the features I need, without unnecessary frills. It might help with my planning.
I also recently bought the complete works of Lu Xun, a famous writer of his time, which I believe will inspire my future writings. I've also taken on the Japanese translation of the LPD official manual for the Japanese community, a chance to brush up on my Japanese.